Just Like Gideon

I spent some time at a summer camp where I hoped to make friends and learn more about God and of course, horses. It was my misfortune to only really come away with one of those things. I know knew quite a bit more about horses sadly my understanding of God and relationships did not grow during this time.

Doubting

I think truthfully I am a very odd person with a very unique upbringing. I live in a small town in Alaska of all places and I want to serve as a missionary in Mongolia. I know I must have been very different because people told me so. I was very discouraged to find that teenagers my age weren't interested in God as much as themselves. The gossiping and hurtful comments threw me off a lot around that time and I found myself questioning a lot of my beliefs. "Why would God send you to be a missionary? What good would that do?" That is a quote from one of my peers one night in my cabin. I didn't know how to answer that properly so I replied that I wanted to teach them about God. "Someone else could probably do that better," was the reply; which made me shift in my bed and my stomach knot up. I knew someone else could probably be a better missionary after all I was only fourteen and I even had a hip problem which made life a bit harder. Why would God use me? I thought now I should start questioning Him on just that. "God, I'm sure I was only imaging you wanting me to be a missionary. Can you prove that to me and then show me what else I can do?" I prayed similar prayers all throughout that week and felt troubled that I hadn't gotten an answer.

The weekend came and with it Sunday. I didn't have a church I went to frequently in the town where the camp was located. So every Sunday I'd get in a random camp van and go to a random church. I was very troubled by some of the harsh words of my camp-mates and by my own spiritual questions for God that felt heavy on my heart. I remember I prayed again before entering the church building and to my surprise, the sanctuary of the church had displays throughout. Large bugs, bats, and even a few birds were in glass cases in the church sanctuary for all to see! Incredibly there was a missionary there that day speaking to the church and I still remember his sermon title, "Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Became a Missionary." I held onto his every word that Sunday and my heart felt so joyful I could barely sit still. Funny enough he wasn't preaching a very encouraging message. His message was about all the unforeseen troubles that he and his family suffered while being missionaries. He certainly wasn't complaining but he was also warning the members in a way and reminding them that service to our God isn't easy. I am sure that would have discouraged many people as his list of hardships included, polluted water, witnessing death and disease, massive bugs, and natural disasters. But the entire sermon all I could feel in my heart was God speaking to me. "See you aren't discouraged are you? Be prepared I am sending you."

The rest of my teenage years aren't all that special. I went through a second hip surgery that was essentially a failure and I made friends and lost more than I made for some time. When I turned twenty in 2021 I went to Alaska Bible College to try and better prepare my heart and mind for the missions field. Bible college was harder than I imagined it would be. I was convicted spiritually in areas I never knew I lacked and expanded my knowledge of the Gospel massively. I also made lifelong friends and watched them dedicate themselves to God. I was given opportunities to grow, share, and witness to my friends spiritually. I experienced being sharpened and lifted up by my friends and classmates there and while my entire college experience was filled with its fair share of hardships, I can say that it all made me a stronger Christian. I had originally doubted that I could have felt that kind of relationship with more than one individual at any college I went to; but after meeting all of the students at ABC I have changed that opinion. I became their sister in many ways and they took care of me just as much (if not more) as I did them. Recently I was also able to see two sets of some of my dearest college friends get married and pursue ministry as a team in marriage. What an encouraging thing to witness!

However, during my college classes and tests, I still didn't know when I'd have the opportunity to go to Mongolia. I used the college library and resources to learn more about Mongolia at every opportunity I could. I dreamed about going in a few years and beginning a ministry of my own there. I couldn't have known what awaited me just a few months after I finished my classes because God intended on surprising me.